before i go by Eli Oko

Mistakes happen when you hold your breath and sacrifice the ability to breathe so that you can feel the danger of love. Because ‘love’ is like the suffocation of the TRUE you to become something someone else wants. Today I am hiding from me. Because I can not live up to my own expectations. Atelophobia has become my new favourite word. I remember when it used to be clarity, the past damaged me. Left me, suffocating, so that I can breathe and not feel numb and not feel LOVE.

I walked out and said hello and the very look on their faces sent shivers to my soul. And I smiled and I continue to live because truth is no one will ever really know.

I hate this feeling.

An influx of thoughts crashing into the shore of my mind. Beating against the rocks of my hopes. Drowning in the things I feel I should say… or should have said… or will say…

all before i go.

– 12:00

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