I Am Not Me by Eli Oko

I am not I.

I do not watch girls drift off into night skies

With sirens and screeching tyres

Debauched dirty men pointing to invisible friends

And scattered screams of celebration

I remember walking alone between tall buildings

I recall the sensation of cold cement floors

I hated the glare of city lights on shop windows

So when I finally had a warm heart that held mine

I felt special in the comfort of the extension of his arms

Now though, I am like this young neieve girl walking into shadows

Confident in her own minds map

But unsure about the unexpected threats that may be around the next corner

The maze she walks as the moonlight creates black images around her

I am not myself.

I do not hear goodbye from behind me and stare ahead

With sirens and screeching tyres

Debauched dirty men pointing to invisible friends

And scattered screams of celebration

Whilst in the comfort of another

I do not walk away from the one

I never would have walked away

I think my personality has been put into question

And now I must answer

I will not be the hurt person who hurts people

I will not allow the once comforting arms to take away my compassion

But rather, with all the comfort I have ever been shown, I will comfort others

That person that abandoned her loyalty

Resulted in eye for an eye

Gave up despite previous tries after tries

Was not me

For all wondering where I have disappeared to

Ask why I am different within

Who does not recognise me through these stains of him on my skin

I answer,

sorry,

I am not me.