You have left me before and it hurts every day
And this time around
I feel the cold
This time around I feel the cold
Numb are the hands I once used to hold you
You know what it feels like
And so this time around I’ll let the pain sink in
I’ll let it grow and tear me apart
Sitting in what feels like the thick scent of loneliness, surrounded
Surrounded by people all day, all night
You ripped out my heart, and you kept it to yourself
I have hated you and loved you, everyday was a struggle
In your web I was caught and couldn’t run away
Do you know what you did?
You made me like this
Little and scared, unsocial in every way
In every way
I loved you in the ways that I knew best
Isolated in your pain, drowning in the thoughts in your head
Empowered by hatred
But driven by soul
At the time that you caught me
I had nowhere to go
I thought you were my friend, the best I had
I ignored your threats, kept myself on your track
Couldn’t see the one who truly cared, you pushed her away
That year was blurry, was never worth my time
To you, was it all a play?
You used me and threw me away
Enslaved me and broke me down
Broken – is the street light that flickers
Broken – is the doorbell that barely rings
Broken – is the heart that takes but never gives
the same way these things continue
I found reason to survive
She urged me to search for your truths
In an attempt to save me from your lies
My life I have restored, but you’re still on my mind
The cracks are visible of the pieces I’ve glued
My mind, soul and self perception are greatly screwed
Welcome to the cold
The rough edges of life
Welcome to the otherside
The feeling you’re used to
And helped me to understand
After all of that, of you, I still can’t think bad
You had your autocracy, the leader you were
Myself at your feet, you grew with the need
When we said goodbye, you fell down that hole
You wandered the new world, discovered democracy
You fell like Alice, you dreamt like her, but hope was gone, because I was not home
I was in the cold
With no reason to stay
But inside I can’t let go
So you’ve no reason to fade
I realize now, that I held you down
Just trying to help, I strangled you, right?
I hope you moved on, I clearly did
But no days go by without thoughts by your side
By my side
I hold dear thoughts of the past
Thoughts that since have grown tired
But continue to last
With you I wasted my time
In the end, I should have left so long ago
At least now I know
What I couldn’t before comprehend
We grew apart, melted away
I know I tried, at least that I can say
I can say I am thankful for the cold
The trials that made me new
The lessons that were learnt
When I was forced to see them through
drifting apart
I still hold parts of you here
And until i pass on in this world
It will never dissapear
The one you pushed away, she forgave me you know
You never called, and in the cold I couldn’t cope
Tears they pass, attempting to wash away the pain
But yet pain is the currency in which I continue to pay
After all this time, I see it clear
The memory of you will always persevere
Because this is the cold,
and we live there.
EO Notes:
Within a week it was all planned, written, reviewed and ready to share. It was fun working with CeCe on this project as I’ve never collaborated with someone I didn’t know offline. To my surprise it was easier than I imagined, words continue to fascinate me as it doesn’t matter where you are or where you come from we always find a way to connect through words.
Such an exciting project to work on with CeCe and I feel like it drives home an important perception of what we experience as humans, how emotions can reflect environments and creates a sense of familiar torment within us. Beautiful! I am sure this wont be the last you read from us!
Thanks CeCe!
Be sure to follow her online.
Cecilie Bode blog – Just This Random Life
CeCe features on AFOTW EÖ Presents 》 Colors the series by Cecilie Bode
Another Fly On The Wall 