Unpaid Dues by Eli Oko

Staring at blank pages

I wonder how to start writing the words I feel

I think that maybe I should return when the voices chill

I can hear them again so clear they begin

and don’t end unless I answer

They remind me of my unpaid dues

we’re like unfazed youths

planning to run ways, new

because the past way, left the chance to chance

and now i can’t stay too

Staring at blank pages

I should write about how I have no closure

that the best memories are still dear to me

and my fears to me are all kosher

I can’t start over

and so that view i see of what used to be

just won’t pass, it drives us, chauffeur

and that day you weren’t a mile away

but chose to keep my mind away

and act colder

who said I was brave

well they lied, okay

I’m just a vibrant face

that hides away , straight face, i pile the change its like poker

Staring at blank pages

I’ve watched time tick by and my ages

I’ve marked more numbers in my books

than i have picked up the phone and wrote numbers, overlooked

the solution that would cause me to stand face to face with my cages

that one time where your voice echoed loud and although dark out side I saw sunshine

They said you looked darker I guess that sun shined

What were you after, seeking a peace that would lead to disaster

and yet they still ask me to answer, well I’m fine

I sat there and he showed me the reason to smile

I don’t understand why he didn’t speak up and reason it out

I learnt from your absence it’s whats keeping me down

I guess times like a canvass and the paints freaking me out

theres too much on this page so I’m leaving it now

Empty in it’s sight but I’m reading the vows

all pointing at my flaws before it turns and decides, its leaving me now

So Im left

staring at blank pages

So I’m right

I’ll never quite understand why the words in my head

cause me to fight the things that look like blank pages

please no more

staring at blank pages

I’ll breath with the thought

that all those spaces, are contagious

and I begin to think empty, letters screaming, send me

no inch pending

I hate to blame the blank pages

I love that you’re still moving on strong

and that you’re being is still being because her smile isn’t gone

and we all speak of you as if you’re still right here

But you’re not here, and theres not much to change this

hence why the letters won’t form, i can’t build rapport

staring at blank pages

I think, I should of been there, I should have showed I cared

but how can i say this

its been years, and by now those tears should have faded

explain why I’m still finding it hard to say this

I need you to forgive my blank pages

and take it for what it is, blank pages

and when my eyes look deeper, it is, blank pages

and remember my hearts cries, it is, blank pages

when it beats to an old vibe, it is, blank pages.

Im sorry …

They remind me of my unpaid dues

we’re like unfazed youths

planning to run ways, new

because the past way, left the chance to chance

and now i can’t stay too

Staring at blank pages.