Thursday November 1st 2018
Day 1: List 10 things that make you really happy.
In no particular order…
The sound of rain
My Mum laughing
Friends and Family
My relationship with God
The ability to recall memories
Friday November 2nd 2018
Day 2: Write something that someone told you about yourself that you never forgot.
The problem with me is that I sometimes hold on to things that are worthless, I hoard words and tell myself that one day I’ll know why this is something to hold. 3 years ago someone said “You are unstable, you are a liability” and I have held those words too close for comfort ever since. Maybe in an attempt to prove them wrong. Whatever the reason, it’s here in my heart and I think it is here to stay. I do not wish to define myself with the words of others, so maybe I hold on to it because it helps to define the person who said it.
Saturday November 3rd 2018
Day 3: What are your top 3 pet peeves?
The first three that come to mind are…
The chapping noises people make when eating
My legs go numb when game scores are not kept correctly (Points ALWAYS matter)
Sunday November 4th 2018
Day 4: Write about someone who inspires you.
I have a friend. He is a photographer, Videographer and VFX Artist for Film. He is the most talented person I know and everything he does is beyond understanding. He has such a good eye for details and a keen ear for sound. He experiences life in ways I have seen no other person relate. Not only that but he is humble. He worked on The Avengers movie of this year and we saw his name scroll through the credits as we sat in the cinema. I already knew, but at this moment it became even clearer Prince Yiadom is the coolest person I know. I recommend you check out his work for yourself. He works on so many projects – there is something for everyone. Here are ways to find him…
Monday November 5th 2018
Day 5: List five places you want to visit.
Tuesday November 6th 2018
Day 6: Five ways to win my heart.
Be passionate about something
Make me laugh
Love God more than you love me
Buy me Jelly/Mcdonalds/Pizza
Let me in your heart so I can see inside your beautiful
Wednesday November 7th 2018
Day 7: List 10 songs that you’re loving right now.
I’d much rather put my Spotify music list of saved songs on shuffle and note the first 10 that present itself. I think that would speak more than anything I could concoct.
- I Lied – Tove Styrke
- We Don’t Care – Sigala, The Vamps
- Say You Love Me – Jessie Ware
- Dance To This – Troye Sivan ft Ariana Grande
- Back To You – Selena Gomez
- Frozen – Madonna
- No Es Justo – J Balvin, Zion & Lennox
- Begin Here – Jon E. Amber
- Down – Gxby
- Let Me Down Slowly – Alec Benjamin
Actually that worked better than I could ever imagine. Listen to that little playlist and it would let you into my mind right now. Enjoy x
Thursday November 8th 2018
Day 8: Share something you struggle with.
Depression. But I heard something that really resonated with me today. A number of quotes from one particular psychologist Jordan Peterson;
- Don’t use a tragic past as an excuse to not move forward it is counterproductive.
- Falling in love is discrimination it’s the ultimate exclusionary act.
- The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom because the fabric of reality is ‘untwistable’.
- Don’t sacrifice your stability.
- Don’t blur the lines between you and your illness.
Although it is currently 5:15am and I am unable to sleep in fear another day comes forcing me to face my reality and force me to move forward.
Friday November 9th 2018
Day 9: Post some words of wisdom that speak to you.
Sadly I am back dating this and well the most touching words were posted just above. However a profound idea and concept of recognising the now had befallen me lately and all I keep thinking in my mind it…
“it is time.”
Translate however you may, it is powerful nonetheless.
Saturday November 10th 2018
Day 10: Write about something for which you feel freely.
I personally hate the term “Motherly Instincts” It implies that only women gain a trigger once entering motherhood that produces these powerful capabilities to nurture and love beyond limits. It creates distance between fathers and it is a widely accepted theory that women have stronger bonds to the unborn and then newly born than fathers could ever have. They simply boil it down to carrying the child for 9 months, sharing nutrients and then the intimate mysteries of labour. True these are ways in which no man could ever relate but how can we be so sure that those instincts are only produced due to those variables?
I question: Since we know God is capable of nurturing Isaiah 66:12,13 says;
“For thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will extend peace… ye shall be borne upon her sides, and be dandled upon her knees. As one whom his mother comforteth, so I will comfort you…” – King James Version
“This is what Jehovah says: “Here I am extending to her peace… You will nurse and be carried on the hip, And you will be bounced on the knees. As a mother comforts her son, So I will keep comforting you…” – New World Translation
We are presented with this heartwarming scene – a loving mother carrying a baby on her hip or bouncing him on her knees. Likewise God touchingly illustrates the intensity and tenderness of his love for true worshippers.
Interestingly God is pictured as a loving mother nursing a baby. We often boil that instinct down to Motherly instincts or a mothers intuition, but God is not a mother. Yet he has this quality to the finest degree, what point does this make and why is it encouraging to meditate on?
We are made in God’s image (Genesis 1:26), therefore we do not need to be specifically mothers who have this instinct, intuition or willingness to help others. We have the desire and ability in us all. Therefore the tenderness and deep love displayed by a woman, often triggered by pregnancy or after child birth is potentially also prevalent in men. How they display this may differ and how we can measure this is a whole further subject however the point remains.
We must stop raising our boys to become men who are told that they have a much less significant role to play in the emotional bond and initial introduction of a new born baby into the world. They in fact have every right to develop the same primal instincts of nursing and care that a woman has and translate it in ways in which he seems practical and efficient for the growth and development of the family. I do not wish to undermine the experience of pregnancy or the beauty in motherhood but rather shed light on the absence of responsibility we put on the men at the most crucial stage of a baby’s life.
I feel strongly about this and I am unsure why. Overtime my thoughts have been enlightened and I continue to discuss with women, especially mothers to understand exactly what it is that they experience. This unfortunately has almost always turned into an argument between can a woman who has never been pregnant or given birth truly comment let alone understand what the experience may be like or what the natural instinct of a mother is to even begin on fighting the case for men. That I am trying to figure out for myself, either way though it is something I am passionate about discussing lately.
Sunday November 11th 2018
Day 11: Something you always think ‘What if…’ about.
What if … this is not what I am supposed to do, not who I am supposed to be and not where I am supposed to live.
Monday November 12th 2018
Day 12: What are five blessings in your life?
- Friends – Specifically Pollito
- Family – Specifically my Mum
- My Insight – Specifically Spiritual
- My Passion – Specifically Writing
- My Hope – Specifically the ability to have perfect knowledge and be able to worship in completeness. I wonder what it would be like to worship God perfectly, to pray perfectly or go every single day with a perfect mind.
Tuesday November 13th 2018
Day 13: What are you excited about?
The release of the Samsung Galaxy S10+. It’s been a long time coming and it will represent how much time has passed in my life too since my love for Tech which forged many different relationships in my life. It became the bridge to many toxic relationships so that we could meet common grounds and impart positive vibes to each other. Mostly my Dad. He is an Iphone guy though so the two events don’t correlate quite well.
Wednesday November 14th 2018
Day 14: Post Your Favourite movies that you never get tired of watching.
This is hard but here are a few that come to mind first.
Thursday November 15th 2018
Day 15: Bullet point your whole day.
- Slept at around 6am
- Woke Up at around 6.30pm
- Missed GP Appointment
- Missed Meeting
- Went to bed at around 10pm
It was a horrible day.
Friday November 16th 2018
Day 16: Something that you miss.
Saturday November 17th 2018
Day 17: Zodiac fitting you … blah blah.
Sunday November 18th 2018
Day 18: Post 30 Facts about yourself.
Wow thirty is a big number! I’ll give you 5. and they’ll be eye opening and revealing facts. Something I don’t talk about quite as openly as I probably should is my mental illness. Aside from depression I fear I have a slight bouts of OCD and Bipolar. Life has gone for a gold medal in change this year and some things can’t live in the same shadows it used to live in. So here are 5 facts about my OCD I never share…
- In my own house I only drink from plastic cups or my own personal dedicated mugs. Not even guests are allowed to use these mugs. I also can’t use the mugs if they have been recently washed. Unlike my plastic cups which must stay upstairs in a plastic bag in my cupboard the mugs I have (all 2 of them) must be stored in a specific cupboard, on a specific shelf in its specific spot. Did I mention each mug is allocated its use? Clear mug for herbal teas and the White ceramic mug for English Teas.
- I Can’t touch certain foods, like bananas. I can immediately sense the smell and even presence of bananas in a room even if it is in a bag or in a bin. Put one near me and I’ll literally scream and run away. It’s not that I am scared, I just rather not touch it or have it touch me. No idea why.
- I count steps as I go up or down a flight of stairs. I also avoid stepping too deep into a step and stay on my tip toes to minimise contact unless it is absolutely clearly clean or it is a place I am completely familiar with.
- When paying at a supermarket i hate it when the cashier slides the food down the pack station. If any items of food touch the corners or sides of the packing station (that term sounds american but I can’t think of what we call it in England) then I try to memorise which one it was or packing it in a memorable way so that I can either avoid eating it later on or if I can eat it I just have extra caution. It depends really.
- Thankfully I drive but I avoid walking on pavements as much as possible. I noticed when I go abroad I relax more and don’t mind going on walks. The floors in London are generally not very clean. I was in Malta not too long ago and was surprised how clean it was there. Miami has been by far the cleanest place I have travelled to. Most people are aware that the roads and pavements are horrible in London but they don’t allow it to affect their lives. I often find myself looking for evenly coloured spots to step when walking and nobody ever keeps up with me. If I am walking to the shop from the car with someone, I’d likely end up just meeting them in there.
I know how weird I must sound after all of this but it is something I have kept quite private until now. There are many more things but I decided if you truly want to know me then this is probably the best place to start. Of course I try to not bring attention to myself as much as possible when I am out or around people who don’t know me well or I think won’t understand my quirks. However family members and the closest of friends generally know some of these above. Quite crazily even some of my boyfriends didn’t know some of the things. I guess I always just hope that somehow it just won’t be the case anymore. I could wake up, go downstairs and just drink from the first glass that presented itself. Until that day though… I guess that’s me.
Monday November 19th 2018
Day 19: Discuss your first love.
My ‘first love’ was just a beautiful connection, I now know it was ‘like’. My first ‘love’ was a lesson I guess I really needed to learn. My ‘true love’ hurt me and that doesn’t seem like the thing a true love would do. So truthfully I believe until I am married no one has captured my heart completely. There is something special about that bond, that three-fold cord. Something solemn. Something true and I believe real Love, ‘my love’ … is found among all of that.
Tuesday November 20th 2018
Day 20: Post about 3 celebrity crushes
I have a new one actually. So In no specific order I’ll say… Blake Griffin, Kristen Stewart and Maluma Baby!
Wednesday November 21st 2018
Day 21: What lessons do you want your children to learn from you.
- Put God first
- Don’t Love someone who hurts you
- Lies are damaging
- You can be good at anything you put your mind to but you’ll need to focus because it takes so much more to be great
- You’ll hear all the rules, and still break them. You’ll know how to avoid nearly all mistakes but still make them
Thursday November 22nd 2018
Day 22: Put your music on shuffle and post your first 10 songs.
We done this already so instead I’ll post my 3 last YouTube Videos I watched and enjoyed.
That literally sums up my week in videos actually. Whatever sparks emotion, passion and takes hardwork or dedication. That is what I wish to fill my mind with.
Friday November 23rd 2018
Day 23: A Letter to someone, Anyone.
Admit your limitations, find ways to grow in areas you have maybe neglected and allow others to help.
Saturday November 24th 2018
Day 24: Write about a lesson you’ve learned the hard way.
Mental Illness is not something to be embarrassed about. To seek help is to self-love. Let everyone in on what is happening within. Even if there are no words, let the tears fall because if you try to hold them in, it will only over-fill and spill. Medication is not bad, it’s a potential solution. Choose to help yourself before life forces you.
Sunday November 25th 2018
Day 25: Think of any word, Google It and then write something based on the 11th image that appears in the search results.
Monday November 256th 2018
Day 26: Write about an area in your life you would like to improve.
Where to start! I guess first I need to limit myself. All my life I have told myself the world is my oyster and anything I wanted to do I could achieve. And although that mindset is potentially beneficial. It can at times create mental boundaries, because the moment you hit a brick wall your in a complete dilemma and your whole ethos or theory about who you are is put to the test. That is tiring! I’d like to stop that.
Tuesday November 27th 2018
Day 27: Basically, what IS doing well?
My soulmate friend. x
Wednesday November 28th 2018
Day 28: 5 Things that make you LOL.
- The Office (US Version)
- XFactor Auditions
- Friends & Family they are full time comedians
- Dad Jokes
- YoutTube pet videos
Thursday November 29th 2018
Day 29: What are your goals for the next 30 days?
- 15 hours
- Save £350
- Den Room Plans drawn up
- Prep Kitchen for renovations
- Work Hard
- Pay any outstanding bills to start 2019 free of bills
- Plan payoff’s: Go yearly on subscriptions vs monthly
Friday November 30th 2018
Day 30: Your highs and lows of the month.
Low: Spells of Disassociation
High: Soulmate Friend returns.